


Try Again

by potatooneandtwo



Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: Break Up, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Getting Back Together, Kinda, M/M, Misunderstandings, No Plot/Plotless, just feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:54:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27875670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/potatooneandtwo/pseuds/potatooneandtwo
Summary: One got tired, and the other still too scared, but both of them...just wanted to be loved.Is it worth it to try again?
Relationships: Kim Wonpil/Park Jaehyung | Jae
Comments: 13
Kudos: 58





	1. we'll be alright

**Author's Note:**

> this was made on a whim.
> 
> enjoy! ( ´ ∀ `)ノ～ ♡
> 
> titles are from [THIS SONG](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4LPmBiFkoBk)  
> 

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Please remember...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> beta'd but unedited heh sorry

It was the first time Jae had ever asked him out to a date. For the past five months they have been together, it's always him who has plans and who makes plans; Jae either just says yes or hints at it and waits for him to do the asking.

Wonpil isn't really bothered by it, because although Jae has a lot on his plate, he always makes time for him, even if they were on a whim plans on his part. On the occasion that he absolutely can’t delay work, he makes up to him by buying those delicious pastry from a mysterious bakery that Jae keeps a tight lip on where it can be found. Now that Jae asked him out first? Wonpil was beyond excited.

[22:11] Me: What should I wear?

[22:11] Jae♥: dress up but comfortably.

[22:11] Jae♥: gonna pick you up around 10 tom. 

[22:12] Me: We're driving there?

[22:12] Jae♥: Yeah. See you.

[22:12] Me: Good night Jae ♥

Again, Wonpil was beyond excited. Hugging his pillow, he rereads their last conversation a few more times before tucking himself under his blanket with the biggest grin his mouth could do. It’s sure going to be lots of fun!

Anything, anywhere with Jae was sure to be enjoyable. Wonpil can’t wait for tomorrow to come.

Wonpil have had the biggest fattest crush since Jae first arrived to their university. He can still remember like it was yesterday; he was late as per usual but this time, instead of getting a scolding from his first period professor, he was called to the faculty to help out the transfer student from some countryside.

He actually imagined the new student as some lost looking little lamb, so it came as surprise when he was met with a lanky tower with glasses, wearing a loose tee, and a gentle smile, and on his back was a guitar case and a knapsack.

It’s not that Wonpil makes a habit of staring at the first attractive man he set his eyes on, on the contrary he is shy and maybe had about two serious relationships in his short twenty years of living. It’s just that it has admittedly been awhile, and this bleached blond, glasses wearing guy was too cute he can’t help but take him in more than what his decency would usually allow.

When the professor coughed to get his attention, and Wonpil had blushed out of embarrassment, he was ready to bolt and fly out of the country. But hearing the hint of laugh from this new guy as he kept his gaze away from his form slowly being swallowed by the floor, Wonpil all but just pulled himself out of the grave and swooned at this guy.

Then and there, he had decided, he was the one.

When the clock struck nine-fifty, Wonpil, dressed in a black turtle neck tucked in a beige dress pants, was bouncing on the heels of his feet waiting for Jae at the curve by his apartment complex. He was careful to hold the excitement in so as not to crumple the blazer folded neatly on his arm as Jae shared last night, they'll be out until evening.

_"I want you to meet someone."_

“Progress!” Wonpil thinks with a blush. Not only was it the first time Jae asked him out, but it’s also the first time Wonpil was having a concrete proof that they are indeed in a relationship.

Over the course of five months, Wonpil was yet to hear what Jae feels or even, at the very least, thinks about him. But its fine, as long as he can stay by Jae’s side, he can wait; besides, Jae never let him feel like all the effort he put into their relationship were all in vain.

They were a normal couple as far as he was concerned. They go on dates at parks and restaurants, then to cafes or libraries for a study date; they sometimes do homework at his apartment; they kiss, they hold hands, they make out – although it did take some time to get from one step to the other- but again, it didn’t matter much, because they’re just taking their time. And Wonpil isn’t greedy to ask for more. As long as they were both happy, it’s fine.

So when Jae arrives –simply dashing with his plain white polo and dark blue pants- Wonpil all but hops inside the car and steals a peck.

“Where are we going?”

Jae grins his favorite smile, handsome, and puffed cheeks “We’re going to the sea.”

They were attending a wedding, Jae explains, handing him a sparkling, baby blue invitation.

Kang Younghyun and Yoon Dowoon.

Apparently, one of the grooms was a family friend.

Wonpil nods along and eagerly absorbs the ambiguous and very short story about said friend. Since it’s another first, Wonpil notes with delight at the back of his mind that Jae is sharing about his life unprompted. He wanted to ask if the to be wed were the ones he was to meet, but Wonpil kept mum, patient. He bites his lip at the thought of Jae having a surprise for him in waiting.

When Jae asks him what he was smiling about, Wonpil beams, and lifts Jae’s hand from the gear stick to press tens of kisses with vigour.

The curious laugh Wonpil elicits out of him had his heart pounding with delight. He’s so lucky to be the one sitting in this passenger seat right now.

After all, Jae is pretty famous on campus, being their department's council president. He was a true prince charming to boot; intelligent, charismatic, incredibly kind, and a great speaker. He is able to make plans and failed plans work out, and he is responsible and dependable.

It’s because of this that Wonpil strived to keep his grades above average, and he also volunteered more; he did his best to be someone worthy to stand beside Jae before he gathered all his courage to confess, and ask him out.

He has been living the dream since then.

Being at the receiving end of Jae’s soft gaze and gentle smiles, Wonpil has surely been living the dream.

Although only a few people knew about their relationship, being both very private persons, they wouldn’t deny it if someone asks.

And he has been content with the relationship they have.

Wonpil was in awe. The wedding venue was, for the lack of a better word, extravagant. Wonpil had never seen that much flowers in his entire life, he almost thought he had enter some fairy tale, and to be honest, the couple who looked so in love just fits the scene so well. He started to wonder if his relationship would ever reach that point. Blushing and scolding himself for having his mind wonder during the vows, Wonpil schools his face and tried to stay focus and not affected by the atmosphere. However, he failed at not sneaking a glance at Jae.

Wonpil blinks, seeing as Jae has an expression he rarely sees; serious, and meticulously placed. It was an expression Jae wears only when he is trying too hard to hide something it becomes obvious that he was.

The first time he saw it was when he was still dancing around confessing to Jae and was content to being his helpful classmate and had asked about his first school before transferring.

He never got the answer. Brushing it off to Jae being nervous about the plan of introducing him to someone, Wonpil soon forgets about it and once again gets swept of by the love enveloping the venue.

Soon after the ceremony, they were directed to move to the reception hall. Jae hadn’t greeted anyone yet since they entered, but his eyes were constantly looking for someone. Thinking it was the surprise he had planned for him, Wonpil excused himself, to give Jae and his own nerves, time to process what was going to happen next, and went to the restroom.

Before he could enter though, a clear voice carries through the closed door. “Hey, I saw Park Jaehyung coming in.”

Another voice answered “Yeah?”

“Can't believe he still isn't over Younghyun.” Wonpil grip on the knob tightens. “It's been what? Three years?”

“Woah, really?” A third voice quips “Didn't know Younghyun had someone before Dons.”

“Ah, you came to school late.” The first one continues with a sigh. “They're like the campus couple in senior high school but they broke up by the end of our first year in college.”

“The break up was nasty. Younghyun says he clearly said it was off but Jaehyung's a clingy bastard.” The second shares and Wonpil wills his feet to leave, he wasn’t meant to hear this. “But he left sometime and transferred somewhere else. Seeing him here now though just proves he isn't over it huh?”

“I can understand.” A voice laughs, one he can’t recognize who anymore. “It's Younghyun.”

In the few hours Wonpil has been here, he can understand why the last words were like that. Kang Younghyun, finished school a year earlier, and is now on his way to another promotion in a prestigious electronics company. He was handsome and well loved; the amount of people celebrating his wedding was enough proof of that. He had the smarts, the looks and the wealth.

Most importantly, Wonpil learns now, he has Jae’s heart.

In the five short months they had been together, of course past relationships were accidentally brought up every now and then. Wonpil was honest in sharing his; one from his third year of high school and another from the summer before his second year in college, before he met Jae.

Jae was rather reserved about his, saying that he had one when he was younger, around middle school and a few short lived ones before college. Wonpil hadn’t bothered bringing up that Jae skirts around the topic of his previous school before transferring thinking it would be to invasive of him and Jae would eventually open up to him.

Then he went ahead and let himself be swept of by this prince charming who never said he felt the same but allowed Wonpil to stay by him.

Now he knows why Jae never told him how he feels or what he thinks about Wonpil, why being with Jae always make Wonpil feel like he’s at an arm’s length even though they are standing so close to each other.

Wonpil gathers enough strength to walk away.

“It’s pity wasn’t it?” He convinces himself. Wonpil was shy, but when he wants something, he goes straight for it. It applies to people. So when he had set his eyes on Jae, he gathered all the courage he could to approach him and become his friend, and later on, when he absolutely, helplessly fell for him, he swallowed his doubts and confessed.

He always thought it was too good to be true to be the one holding Jae’s hand, kissing Jae’s smile, standing by prince charming Jae, when all he is Wonpil. He thought he was living the dream.

Maybe he was just living a dream. And the time has come for him to wake up.

“I was looking for you.” From his peripherals, he sees Jae bending to catch his breath. “Why are you out here? It's cold.”

Wonpil doesn’t know how long Jae has been looking for him to be that winded, but couldn’t even begin to feel anything about. He has been outside, sitting on his coat he laid on the sand far away from where the party was, since he walked out in a daze and thought back to the past five months.

Of how much he had given but not returned.

Of how many important questions he didn’t raise.

Of how many talks they didn’t have because Wonpil thought it was fine. As long he was beside Jae, as long as they were happy, as long as he was allowed to love him.

“The sea looks pretty,” Wonpil comments blandly, eyes not at all seeing the beautiful night view of the calm waves.

“Let's go inside,” Jae taps his shoulder “I have-“

Wonpil shakes his head, refusing to raise his eyes and meet Jae’s. He doesn’t think he has enough strength to stop the tears he’s been begging to not fall. “Come sit. I don't get to see this every day.”

Jae makes a confused sound but sits nonetheless. Wonpil smiles ruefully when he glues their arms, the warmth from Jae immediately seeping through his clothes. “It was a beautiful wedding, no?” He manages “The couple looks so happy too.

“…I guess.”

They spent a few moments in silence after that. Wonpil feels Jae throw glances at him every now and so. Before Jae could break it, he starts; tone soft and thoughtful “You know, I always thought you were like sand,” Wonpil lifts a handful, not caring if Jae was looking at him or at his hand “The longer I walk with you in my hand, the more you fall away.”

As the breeze flew by, brushing their hair and cheeks, and pushes off a few.

How timely.

Jae, who was perfect and unreachable will one day be carried by fate far from him, some boy who just so happen to be late that day.

“I was okay with that. I had this thought, when the time comes that I have barely any of you left in hand, I won't have regrets because at least I got to have you for some time.” Wonpil turns his hand to the side and let the grains fall back to where it belongs. “But I was wrong. You're like more like water.”

“Wonpil, what’s-“

He cuts him off with a choked laugh, keeping his eyes averted when Jae moved in front of him “I can't hold you at all, and the more I try to grasp on you, the more you slip away.”

Jae remains the same, even when his heart is on a tightrope. Wonpil meets his heavy gaze and all but tears up at the sight of it. It’s the same gentle eyes and rough fingers that holds his hand when he’s having a hard time balancing part work and school. But the Wonpil now feels a burden added on his chest instead of his problems being lifted off. The same soft question all but pierces his already wounded heart “What are you trying to say?”

“It's him right?” Wonpil hiccups, nodding over his shoulder toward the bright lights of the after party “The past you can't let go of.”

“Wha-“ Jae’s confused face morphs into shock then…into something he can’t describe anything else but grim understanding. “How did you know about him?”

Wonpil’s heart lodges in his throat at Jae’s reaction. He admits he had a small hope that it wasn’t true. That the past five months wasn’t just him so in love with Jae he deluded himself it was mutual.

God, he’s so pathetic.

“Does it matter?” When Jae remains quiet, gaze down and on their hands, Wonpil begins the end for his side. “I can't compete with that Jae. I always thought what you’re holding onto was a dead person, and you still have regrets with regards to them-“

Wonpil was willing to wait. Wonpil had always prided himself as a patient person. And he would rather have Jae now than not at all and would wait for the time until Jae feels the same about him. He was willing to wait until Jae entrusts his whole being to him.

He really was, but-

“-to think I'd actually meet him!” he laughs out, broken and wet. God, he’s so pathetic. A choked sob slips out, and Wonpil’s view of Jae’s face blurs. “But then again, dead or a taken man, what's the difference?” He pulls his hands from under Jae’s warm ones and closes his eyes. “I can't compete with someone who you hold onto especially when I don't have even a bit of you for myself to hold onto.”

“Wonpil-“

He doesn’t know what face Jae was making when he heard the way he uttered his name. But he couldn’t think about Jae now, he has to start thinking of himself “I thought I'll be fine. I told myself every day that you'll get around soon, that I don't mind what you feel about me as long as I get to stay beside you.” Wonpil bites his lip feeling Jae’s fingertips under his lashes. Turning his head away, he confesses with dripping self-deprecation “I swore up and down that it didn't matter, it was borderline masochistic of me.”

“Hey, Wonpil-“

Not at all hearing Jae’s quiet voice, he continues, voice raw and cracking “And you asked me out on a date! For the first time! I dolled up and got so hyped, and then-“ Wonpil all but breaks down in Jae’s embrace.

Despite himself, and his current predicament, Wonpil did cry and clenched his trembling fist on Jae’s pretty shirt. “I thought I could take a little more but I guess I have my humanity still intact.” Burying his head in Jae’s chest, he croaks out, broken and bare “It hurts to be here. For the first time, I admit, it's hard to be with you.”

Jae somehow manages to walk him to his car. Wonpil cries a few more pathetic tears the whole drive back into the city.

Once Jae eases into park by the curve to his apartment complex, his tears were dry and he hopes one last time “Let's break up, hm?”

“Wonpil,” Jae begins with a breath, the tips of his fingers trying to turn his head to him.

“It's not because I don't like you anymore.” Wonpil frantically shakes his head as he spills “To be honest maybe I'm starting to love you but- it's just-“ and god, he thought he was done crying. “I'm starving.”

Pressing his palms against his leaking eyes, Wonpil croaks out his confession with much effort and much want. “I'm so starved. I can't convince myself anymore that I'm not hungry or that I don't need it, and I don't think I can wait for you to give me what I crave for.”

He was being honest when he said he can wait, but it doesn’t mean he never hoped that Jae would at least say he loves him too. So he cries; for being pathetic, for waiting for nothing, for hoping.

“Say something.”

Say no. Please. Hold me. Hug me. Please. Please stop me. Please don't let me give up on you. _I love you so please say you-_

“Okay.”

One word took all his breath away. Wonpil bites back a laugh in pure exhaustion. “I guess- I guess I'll see you around or something.” He gathers his things and unfastens the seatbelt “Thanks for dropping me off. Bye-bye.”

And he didn't dare look back. Not anymore.

A few miserable days later, once Wonpil was sure he wouldn’t be counterproductive and say something stupid like he doesn’t mean the break up; he gathers Jae’s accumulated things in his apartment and puts them in a box.

There was his worn out hoodie he stole from Jae, sweatpants Wonpil tripped on because it was too long for his legs, a few shirts when Jae stayed over and the only gift he received from Jae, a little keychain that comes as a pair.

He remembers being overjoyed about it because it was a couple item.

How simple minded.

Then with disbelieved laugh, he shakes his head; he doesn’t know where Jae lives.

“Here.” He presses the box to Jae’s chest the moment he catches him alone in the council’s office. “If you see something missing just send me a text.”

Jae looks at the box in contemplation. “Do you-“ Wonpil was about to slip out when he hears the hesitant and quiet invitation. “-do you have time to come by my house later?”

“That's the first invite I received from you.” Wonpil keeps his back to him. The only wall he has in this small room. “I would've been ecstatic otherwise, but no thanks.”

“Is that so?”

“Yeah. I'm still hurting you know. But I guess that's only me.” He waits for a beat, and then shakes his head with a nonchalant farewell.

While walking away from the office, Wonpil tears up again “I can't believe I'm still waiting for you to run out for me.”

If only he had looked back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you! tell us what you think!! ヽ(>∀<☆)ノ


	2. please try again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ...my answer is you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> beta'd but unedited (again) heh sorry
> 
> last chapter! jae's pov and that's the (short) epilogue after the break line
> 
> IMPORTANT: cw for implied gaslighting and emotional abuse

Jae closes the door with quiet movements; he feels it inside, the something he took so much time to build, collapsing. His knees buckle and his hands tremble.

It's over.

When he first met Wonpil, it was only his second week into the big city and his second day in school. He had been nervous because it was a big place and he basically knows no one. It was his chance for a fresh start so he swallowed his nerves and smiles politely.

Wonpil, who didn’t know anything about him aside from his name and program, had smiled cheerfully, blushed bright and pink, and shyly beamed at him when he welcomed him to their university.

Jae had an impression that he was by far the kindest person he has ever come across since he got here, and Jae was grateful to have met him early on. He showed him around campus with a bounce on his feet, he showed him best places to relax or study, he told him tips about cafeteria food and vending machines and in the short amount of time he had spent with him, it was the lightest Jae had ever left.

When they became friends soon enough, he already knows that Wonpil was the light given to him in spite of being who he is. And when Wonpil confessed, shy smile and apple cheeks, Jae decided to protect him from himself if that was what it will take for Wonpil to stay with him.

He’ll be the perfect Jae, so Wonpil won’t ever find a reason to leave.

Even when he wants to say he's tired from keeping his grades as the best, his two part time jobs, and being the council president, Jae would bang his head once on the table and pick himself up again, so that Wonpil wouldn’t see his weak self. So that his perfect self will be the only thing Wonpil will know.

But he wasn’t perfect, far from it, and his lie can only stretch long enough before it snaps right back at him. He was there because he's a coward. He was a pathetic, imperfect being who couldn't stand for himself, who couldn’t defend himself, who was utterly useless that all he could do was pack up and run away.

Run away from a lonely home, from scarring, untruthful rumors. To get himself out from the center of the leering eyes of friends and strangers alike. To free himself off from Younghyun.

Younghyun, who says a cold “love you” when they’re surrounded by people, and when they’re alone reminds him again and again with a loving tone “you are useless without me.”

Jae was able to muster only enough to make himself believe he still has a reason to live. And when Wonpil came, he swore to himself that he wouldn’t make the same mistakes he did. That he could keep the sweet smile on Wonpil’s face directed at him.

And that very greed was his downfall.

He knows now that the intense focus he poured over maintaining his façade made Wonpil feel like he was so unattainable he should settle for whatever and not ask him of more. That he wasn’t in his heart.

In retrospect, he reminisce with regret, Wonpil does ask him, and whenever he denies him of his past one way or another, Wonpil does convey to him through his considerate words, his understanding eyes and his patient smile that his love, although unconditional, needs reciprocation too.

As much as Jae knows he loves Wonpil, he failed at showering him with it.

Now, he lost the opportunity to ever do so.

“I’ll take him home.”

That’s what he said but-- standing in front of Wonpil’s stubborn door, Jae glances at Wonpil’s sleeping form seconds away from slipping in his hold, Jae sighs and walks down back to his car.

The students from their department were celebrating the end of a successful school event and somehow Wonpil got caught in the middle of a game, with liquor of all things, and blacked out from over indulging.

He only meant to drop him home, but Wonpil changed his passcode – Jae learns with painful twinge in his chest- and now they're back to his quaint little house.

His parents were apathetic, as they always were with regards to him, but his older, perfect sister was supportive. Despite not knowing the true reason for his sudden decision of changing schools and city, she willingly provided him with a comfortable place and sends monthly allowance. After being denied when he rejected her offered money, saying it didn’t feel right, Jae begrudgingly accepts it and keeps them as emergency funds.

The reason why Jae never brought Wonpil to his home is simply because his true self is scattered here, in every nook and cranny, although now he has nothing to lose and has no other option but to take him here.

After he had changed Wonpil and settles him in his bedroom, Jae washed up, sighed and promptly crashed into his sofa.

His body was aching and his heart was in pain.

When he wakes up he knows he’ll be thankful for the long draining day, because he was too tired to think about anything and regret everything, and just fell asleep.

The next morning, Jae wakes up at his usual time, just before sunrise. He washes and wakes himself up quickly and started breakfast.

An hour or so later, when the sun was peeking at his kitchen window while he finishes cooking and was setting the table he hears the hesitant footsteps shuffling from the direction of his room.

Jae steels his nerves.

Soon enough, Wonpil came in, dressed in his shirt and short, wiping sleep from his eyes with a confused frown. “Why am I here?”

Setting down the last side dish, Jae hides his hands behind the table and squeezes his fingers. “I don’t know your pass code and I didn’t want to leave you at someplace else. Come sit.”

Jae turns his back, and made a move to get the coffee, just so he wouldn’t see how Wonpil would react. Or Wonpil wouldn’t see how his face would twist when he says something about how Jae had hurt him.

When Wonpil’s voice came out again, it was curious, nothing like the cracked crying words that still plagues his mind or the venom filled ones he thought he deserves.

“You cooked?”

Thinking that the amount of time he spent preparing coffee was starting to look suspicious, Jae takes a deep breath, takes comfort in Wonpil’s neutral tone and faces him with a small nod.

Wonpil sits down with furrowed brows, eyeing each and every dish Jae had made. When he says a quiet, distracted thank you while taking the offered coffee, Jae allows himself to smile and admire Wonpil's rumpled look. And upon Wonpil’s first bite, Jae bites the inside of his cheek in trepidation. At the sight, however, of Wonpil’s wide, bright eyes glinting under the morning rays, Jae falls in love again.

He watches him take another bite, from a different dish this time, before starting his own meal.

“Can't believe we spent so much money on eating out when you cook this good,” Wonpil grumbles under his breath, which he caught, and had to hide a laugh from spilling, preferring to enjoy the meal he's sharing with someone after a long while “Can't even get mad because I'm enjoying this so much.”

Jae relaxes soon enough to openly smile at Wonpil’s continuous grumbling and braved a question “You think it’s good?”

“Yeah,” Wonpil nods generously with cheeks full. “You want to be complimented that much? Not that you don't deserve it because this is really _really_ good.”

Upon hearing all those, Jae forgets they have broken up and all but beams at him, love for the smaller man overflowing.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Wonpil asks with caution, raising a hand to cover his mouth consciously, and eyes trained on him.

“I-!” Jae fumbles with his words, face burning as he abruptly stands, “I'll fetch your clothes! You can leave the dishes on the table, I'll clean them later.”

When Jae comes back from the wash, after sneaking in a fruitless pep talk to try and talk things out with Wonpil, to find his back door open. Well aware of what it goes to, Jae runs, and almost trips on his feet, only to meet Wonpil coming back inside with a thoughtful, confused face holding a single stem of flower.

Jae swallows, Wonpil was smart after all. He can put two and two.

“Were the-“ Jae closes his eyes after seeing the gentle contemplative swipe of his fingers on the iris’ petals “-were the flowers from you?”

A week after they broke up, some of his flowers bloomed, so on random days, he goes school a tad earlier than most students to stick a flower in Wonpil’s locker along with a printed message to cheer him up.

And on days that he does, when he can, Jae watches Wonpil smile gently at his little blooms.

Feeling his nape get heated in growing embarrassment, Jae mumbles a shy “Yeah.”

“Why would you? When we already-“ Jae fists the shirt in his hand, watching the frustration grow on Wonpil’s face. “What else?”

“Huh?”

“You know how cook. You have a mini vegetable garden and flowers. You like photography,” Wonpil enumerates, waving the single flower in his hand. With a small, curious voice, gentle, and reminiscent to the ones he uses before, he wonders “What else don't I know about you?”

“Photography?” Jae asks, confused, not knowing what made him conclude that “I don't like photography though.”

“You're really going to lie to my face? I saw your cork board.” Wonpil gestures the flower in the general direction of his room “It has sceneries, and stores, and random benches from uni and parks.”

“I don't like photography.” Jae quirks up a little smile, sad and honest “But I like you.”

He notes how Wonpil’s face pinks, and how flustered his sputters were. Jae rejoices a little at witnessing it. “What's with that untimely pick up line?”

With a fond shake of his head, he explains, a slight tremble obvious in his words “Those pictures weren't because I like photography. I thought it might br wrong for me to take your picture without permission or-” Jae looks up and meets the pretty brown eyes he adores so much, for it holds so much light he craves “-or that it'll be creepy, so I just took pictures of places we went to together.”

Wonpil was too pretty to not take a picture of. He has this wide grin that oozes with so much happiness you can’t help but smile in return, and just- his whole existence screams warmth and comfort. But he couldn’t ask him, scared that he’ll think of Jae as clingy or worst, a creep for being sentimental in wanting to keep printed pictures.

_“You have to ask me first.” His neatly wrapped gift returns to him the way he left it at Younghyun’s desk. “If I want something from you, I’ll say so. Don't waste money on things I won't even use.”_

“And- and the flowers-“ Jae ventures on, riding on the sudden courage from having admitted that much “-the flowers were for you. I grew them because I like gardening, and I like you, so I planted them and planned to give them to you once they bloomed but we-“ he hides the emotions choking him by clearing his throat, averting his eyes from Wonpil’s frozen form “-we broke up. They're meant for you though so I gave them…to you.”

_“Fuck?” A loud, booming laugh pierces his reddening ears “Gardening? Really?”_

“And- and the cooking?” Wonpil whispers so low, Jae barely caught it.

Jae closes his eyes, feeling the burn behind them grow stronger “I didn't want to hear you say you hated the food I make, so I never told you I can.” Without prompting, he adds “And those pastries I give you were by me but I told you they were from a small bakery back home because I was scared.”

_“What is this disgusting shit? You call this food?”_

Suddenly, Wonpil was in front of him, peering under his bangs “Why are you scared? This is the most I learned about you.” Taking hold of his shaking hands, Wonpil asks softly “Did I seem so unworthy to you?”

“No!” Jae rebuts, frantic. He stumbles as he hurries to explain “No, that's- that's not it.”

“Then what is it Jae?”

“I-“ Jae exhales with difficulty “I didn't want to disappoint you, by knowing those parts of me.”

Because his sentiments aren’t welcomed, his hobbies are disgusting, his cooking sucks and he is useless, utterly worthless and replaceable.

Jae squeezes his eyes tight, willing the thoughts to go away.

“Do I look disappointed?” Wonpil’s voice slices through his mental war. “Did I say I hate your cooking earlier? And the flowers?”

Lips wobbling, Jae shares with effort “You smile whenever you see the flowers in your locker. It made me really happy to you see you take them.”

“Me too.” Wonpil lifts his weak hand to press his mouth on it as a token of reassurance.

“And you said thank you for the breakfast.”

“Did I tell you they were delicious?”

Jae nods, wiping his eyes under his glasses with his free hand.

“Did I ever tell you I was disappointed in you?” Wonpil continues on, thumb caressing his knuckle. Jae manages a quivering smile at feeling those familiar fingers against his skin again.

Shaking his head in reply, Jae heaves and exhales. Lighter than before, eyes blurry despite his glasses, he babbles “I just- it's just- I liked you so much and I didn't want you to go away so I've been careful but in the end you still-“

“Why didn't you stop me?”

Jae feels a tear slide down his cheek when he lifts his head and meets Wonpil’s gaze. “If I couldn't give you a bit of what I get from you, why should I make you suffer more? You told me it hurts to be around me so I thought it was the right thing to do. But I miss you.” Jae croaks out with feeling “I miss you so much.”

Wonpil wraps his arms around his torso as he bends down and buries his head on his neck, losing against the weight he has been carrying on his shoulder.

“I wanted to talk to you to- but then you returned all my stuff, and I couldn't gather the courage anymore. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

“Oh Jae-“ Wonpil murmurs against his temple. And Jae breathes again. Hope filling his lungs with desired relief.

“That day, I invited you because my sister flew home for the wedding since she was also invited and-“ memories of that day shaking him to the core, Jae stutters “I wanted to introduce you properly but you seemed down so postponed it but then-“ with overflowing desperation and built up frustration, he admits “I miss you. I was really happy to be with you the past six months. I'll try to be better; I'll do everything to be deemed worthy of you. _So please_ , take me back.”

Taking comfort on the fact that his arms was still around him, Jae returns the embrace fiercely. Keeping his head hidden, he struggles to keep himself together but at the same time, he felt lighter, almost floating. When the fingers combing his hair registers, Jae slumps against the sturdy pillar that has held him up and helped him become someone he couldn’t imagine himself being.

Someone loved.

“Jae-“ Wonpil sighs above him “you're already- wow to me, you know?” and with a fond, light laugh, Wonpil shares some more “Now, learning you cook and have a garden and you're so thoughtful of me just adds to that. Why do you keep saying I'll be disappointed?”

“Because he said I was useless,” Jae confesses after some time. Not angry anymore, just tired that he’s still haunted by words even after making peace with it. Then from whatever is left of his courage, Jae says his fears out loud. “And I don't want the time to come that I have to hear you say that to me.”

* * *

Hours later, after they have both exhausted their eyes and throat and cleared whatever misunderstanding they ignored, they agreed to put off the talking for tomorrow and had a well-deserved make-up make out that escalated rather quickly, they both had to make an effort to stop and do it after they finished their talk. Now, on his bed, Jae chases the lips that separated from his. When he couldn’t find it, he opens his eyes to find Wonpil pulling away from him.

Jae continues with his lazy kisses until Wonpil squeezes his bare arm with wide eyes, prompting him to stop. Patient, while drawing lazy circles on Wonpil’s lower back, he waits for his once again boyfriend to manage finishing his thinking.

When Wonpil lifts his eyes with a gleam, Jae nervously swallows. “What is it?”

“The small charms that came with the flowers, you made those too?”

Unable to look away from Wonpil’s intense look, Jae nods, ears red in embarrassment.

“Oh my god, you can sew?”

Hearing it loudly, Jae cringes, thinking of how uncool he must have seemed.

“That’s so cool Jae!” Wonpil exclaims with a sparkling expression “Does that mean you can do embroidery and stuff too?”

Stunned from the unexpected reaction he was seeing, he dumbly nods his head “Knitting too, yes.”

“You’re so cool!” And Wonpil went on about how much he had wanted to learn those.

Feeling his eyes heat up again, Jae chokes out a laugh.

He really became someone he couldn’t imagine himself being. Lifting his hands to hold Wonpil’s head in place, Jae kisses him deeply, catching him off guard and tries to convey his hopes in making Wonpil feel the same.

Someone loved for just being himself.

“I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tell us what you think!! (*°▽°*)

**Author's Note:**

> i just love [THIS SONG](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4LPmBiFkoBk) so much haha  
> go take a listen and feel (｡•́︿•̀｡)
> 
> thank you ♥
> 
> \---
> 
> [curious cat](https://curiouscat.me/potatooneandtwo)  
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